Dad

It’s been 3 years and I wonder why you had to go?
You were in pain and suffering, yet didn’t let anyone know
What were you thinking & what was on your mind?
When you knew you were taking breaths one final time?
I had written a list on that February 6th
And at the bottom it read, “call dad”
I wanted to share with you about a job that paid real good money
I was excited and thought I could send some home
Dad, I knew you were smiling on the outside but felt all alone
I saw pain in your eyes but I also saw love
I remember that last time you looked at me, when you were standing above
Standing on your porch watching me drive away
I’m glad we had that time together for one final day
We reminisced on the past and talked about the future
I sat with you and my girl and you asked her to take care of me
Was it then that you knew you were about to go?
Was that your message to let me know this was the last time?
She didn’t tell me for weeks that you asked her that
Dad I’m doing just fine and she still has my back
We placed you in the ground on Valentines Day
You loved the spotlight and wouldn't have it any other way
I am a man now as I’ve grown and developed with time
I forgive you dad for not always being who I wanted
I forgive you dad for not being perfect
I thank you for giving me the things that I need
I thank you for teaching me how to sew, iron and weed
I thank you for being my number 1 sports fan
It was great having you in the dugout for my first pitch
I loved having you in the stands watching each pass
And watching me in track being so fast
You liked watching me play bball while showing my D
And standing on the outside to shoot an occasional 3
You were there to watch me accept my degree
It's sad to know you won't see me get married
It sad that your future grandchild won't get carried
Your memory still lives and it always will
No one can ever take that away from me
When the wind blows and the leaves shake from the tree
It's then I know you're still watching over me

Love Her

Love her because you know she loves you
Stop playing games and truly love her too
She has made a mistake
And so have you
It’s time to move on and treat her like a queen
Trust that she is going to make you her king
It’s time to stop holding her to standards that even you would fail
If you do than maybe one day you will lift up her vail
You could watch her walk down that aisle
It would all be worth it, every step, every mile
Be a leader and allow her to follow
Guide her every step and hold on to her hand
Show her and her family why you’re worthy to be her man
Love is patient, Love is kind
It’s not everyday true love is what you find
Is this love?
Honestly I don’t know
But the only way to find out is to let go
Let go of my insecurities, pride and fears
You gotta make a choice, what’s it’s going to be
Are you going to keep her captive or set her free?

A Conversation

What time is it?
I don’t have a clock
Where are you going?
God only knows
Are you happy?
I wish I was
Where are you going?
You tell me
What’s wrong?
A lot
What’s right?
A lot
Why are you so confusing?
Only the confused get confused
Do you know that makes no sense?
It does to me
How?
Cause I said it
What’s your problem?
I don’t have a problem
Than what’s wrong?
It’s a situation and it’s starting to unfold
What does that mean?
I don’t know
How can you not know?
Maybe I’m not supposed to
What do you want?
To be happy
How will you get there?
Trust, pray, be patient and have faith
Will that work?
That’s all I have left
Really?
Actually that’s all I’ve ever had
I’ll ask you again, what do you want?
I want to be happy
What is happy?
An emotion
Is that want you want?
No, it’s not
Why?
Cause I don’t want an emotion
What do you want?
I want to be
What is that?
I want to be
Huh?
I want Joy
Joy?
Yeah, and only God can bring me real Joy
Joy?
Yes, Joy!
You sure that’s what you want?
Praise God, for He is good! Joy!
　

Black is beautiful

What does color have to say?
Why does race have to come into play?
What did I do other than be born?
I guess you didn’t get that warn?
I’m no different than you or the guy from down the street?
My hair may be different and my lips may be bigger
But does that make me a black N**ger?
No, it does not and don’t look at me so
I didn’t come to rob you
I didn’t come to harm you
I didn’t come to embarrass you
I simply came to say hello
When the world looks at me, what do they see?
Am I just another black man even though Lincoln set us free
I am proud of my race
I’m proud of my culture
Praise God for who I am!
I love that I am black
I love that my lips are big
I love that I have nappy hair
I love that most people look at me and don’t care
It’s not 1960
But yet it’s 2010
I’m proud to be black and I will not run
My ancestors said “we shall overcome”

Life

There's gotta be more to life than you let on
More to do, more to say
There's gotta be a way to love your special way
Pick up your head and keep going strong
Never let anyone tell you the way you feel is wrong
Although this crude world is filled with evil
You have to find a light to help carry you through
Whether its a friend, parent, a clique or a crew
The time is now to prepare for your future
No longer a kid, teen, adolescent or youth
The time is now to speak the truth
The time is now to begin to live life
The time is now to be that husband or wife
How we deal with life's twist and turns
You never know when it's your time to go
Live life and live it now
Live it proud and say it loud
There's only one life to live so you better live it right
Keep battling and never give up the fight
You have a choice and what's it gonna be
Am I living for you or living for me?

Another day

Life is interesting and life is tough, life is great. It's so hard because I have a blessed life. I really do and I appreciate it. But with some of these circumstances that are going down and being uncertain if I even have a job past June it causes high anxiety. I'm just anxious to know my future, anxious to know that if I must move where will it be? I don't know, I'm just stressed with life, stressed with some choices that I'm making. I need to be better decisions in life and not be afraid. I don't even know if this blog makes sense to others but it does to me. It appears to be jumbled but that is because my mind is jumbled. It's a constant battle of what to do, what to say, who to do it with and say it to. Ahhhhh, IDK, God please make me wise...

Black to White

He wants to find true love,
Love where the heart grows.
He yearns to find a burning love.
Love that will stand the highs and lows.
He needs a love that’s truly love.
Love that stays, love that remains.
He seeks someone that feels this way
Love that never change and is always the same.