I have Hope

I see a ray of sunshine leading me to think that I have hope
God is on my side and I know He will get me through
I feel good and it has nothing to do with me or you
It’s all about Him because that’s where truth lies
The only way to find happiness is to plug into the source
I know you love me but Godloves me most
For once I’m smiling and it’s not fake
It’s the genuine smile that you are used to seeing on my face
As when I get happy I know the devil will want to attack
I got to know that when this happens God has my back
Lord, continue to be faithful, continue to be true
I just need to fall in love, fall in love deeply with you
When your heart is with the Lord not a lot else matters
He has promised to protect, He has promised to provide
No matter where you go the Lord will be by your side
When life gets tough and you feel completely lost
Know that the Lord has not moved, He’s just waiting for you to call
He wants you to call His name, believe in His truth
The Lord will always be there for every man, woman and youth

What's Next

I can sit in a crowded room and feel I’m all alone in this place
It’s like I don’t even matter and no one even looks at my face
If I cut myself and leave a trace of blood would it get me the attention I feel I deserve?
I have anger building through my veins
Can I control it?
I don’t know
What happens if I cant?
I don’t know
I’m lost and have no trail to follow
Where is my light?
Where is my day?
Where is my night?
I’m scared & I’m afraid
I’m naïve & I’m brave
I’ve shown the signs and no one pays attention
This isn’t fake
It isn’t a game
It’s real life
My life
Not many care and the ones that do where are they?
Be afraid, be scared
Be Bold
Just know this is the story I told

Something about the name: Jesus

What’s His Name: Jesus
I hope you love Him: Jesus
He loves you: Jesus
I can’t help but say his name: Jesus
The one name that matters: Jesus
Who loves you more than anyone: Jesus
The healer of all healers: Jesus
The saint of all saints: Jesus
The beginning: Jesus
The End: Jesus
The present: Jesus
The past: Jesus
The future: Jesus
It’s Him: Jesus
He’s in me: Jesus
He’s in you: Jesus
Say that name: Jesus
His Holy name: Jesus
His amazing name: Jesus
His eternal name: Jesus
The sweetest name I know: Jesus

Love People. Love God

The weekend here and I am def happy about that, praise God! I had an interesting day so far this morning. I planned to have breakfast with a friend of mine that I haven't seen in at least 2-3 years. She was a girl I used to date and someone I hold in high esteem as one of the most quality females I've ever met. I didn't know what I would think or feel in seeing her but it was nice that I could sit down and have a convo with her over a meal and just see her as a friend. During my time of lonliness I didn't know if i would have some sense of feelings for her or what, but she's still an amazing person, amazing as my friend.

She talked to me about a job offer in CT that would be a wonderful opportunity and give me a great experience. The job entails so many things that I love to do and as much as I don't like living in my current city, I have an amazing job that's hard to pass up. The salary and benefits are just great and the job secruity is needed. I love the kids but I've worked with kids very closely in at leat 5-6 cities and this is true: You can build relationships and find wonderful kids everywhere. I dont worry or doubt about that. I have kids I've worked with from a lot of places that I hold near to my heart.

I'm still trying to listen to God, trying to see what He has in store for me. I dont hear anything though, maybe I'm not listening. I just wish I could hear His voice and He would tell me what He needs from me in order to be happy, successful in all walks and for me to have the desires of my heart. What is it that you need from me Lord? What do I need to do? Where am I failing? I'm calling out to you? Here's my call, please give me a sign. Give me direction and guidance. I can't do this alone and maybe I'm trying to do it alone, maybe I'm trying to live this life with the wrong people. Where are the right ones? It's all about that name, so I will say: Jesus Christ the Messiah!

Love that name: Jesus

It's power in that name: Jesus

I'm about to write a poem and it's gonna be about this name: Jesus

Love,
Champ

Gotta keep moving

I'm feeling better, I'm feeling like I have hope. I know I have hope! I've been able to talk to a couple of friends that have truly put some things in perspective for me. Interesting they are 2 people I wasn't expecting to get this wisdom from. It must be a God thing. I'm having hope and faith that my life will turn around, but in order for it to turn around I need to trust more in my God that he's got me. I know He has me and I just need to turn to Him, cry out to Him, worship Him and Praise Him. The Gospel of Matthew says Seek for ye first the Kingdom. So give God your best, your love and your all. Not 85-90% He needs 100. The only way I can be happy and get out of this rut is to have the faith that He has me. I know times are still rough and tough, but I'm ready to dig myself out of this rut and as the Lord told Moses: "Get up!". I'm ready to give up. I'm also ready to have those in my life that want to be and leave those alone who aren't worth the time. The Lord says He doesn't want a lukewarm Christian because He will spit you out. I dont want lukewarm friends. As Diddy once said: "I got no time for fakes ones..."

Eliminate

When it rains it pours. Wow, with this storm it has to mean that there is a rainbow coming and good news. But I really think I may be bringing this upon myself, what am I doing that's wrong and what do I need to do to fix it. I gotta get a positive attitude and put a positive spin on things. I guess I need to eliminate people from my life that don't need to be there. I did eliminate two people that don't need to be there. I guess it's time to continue to do that and start tossing them from my life if they aren't helping me get to where I need to be or being that type of influence that God would surely have be surround myself with. Just gotta think, gotta get motivated, gotta do what I need to do...

Lies & Fables

It's amazing how one or two people can cause you to look at an entire group of people differently. That isn't fair or right, is it? I don't want people to look at the news or the media and see a couple black guys doing wrong and label the entire race based upon what they've seen on TV. But I'm trying to not do this same thing when it comes to females lying to me. I dont know, it's interesting that you put your trust in a friend, in someone and they just lie to your face. Than after lying they validate their lies. I dont know and I know that you aren't supposed to "pay back" people when they wrong you. God said that vengence is His. I have some ideas of how I want to take vengence into my own hands but yet I know it's right. It's always a battle of good and evil, right and wrong, light vs dark. Help me, someone just say: "Champ, vengence is the Lord's and you aren't not the Lord, so sit back and allow Him to judge, to repay and do His work." I'm scared cause I normally never just "get people back." But this particular person has lied, betrayed, been manipulative and dishonest so many times and I keep saying: "It's okay" that I want to finally take matters into my own hands. Hmmmmmm, what do I do? Decisions...

Same...

Today has been a good day. These students that I get to love and care for make it worth it to come to work everyday. It's been a blast getting to know these students and starting to build relationships with them. When I think of my struggles and tough times when I look at them they are encouraging to me. Their entire world is being shaken up by coming to our school and everything in their life has changed and for the most part they fight through that and keep a positive spirit. They are forced to trust a group of strange adults to provide for their needs. They don't have a choice they have to instantly trust us. I commend them a lot and they are a lot stronger than they realize. Day 10 of 12, Saturday is almost here :-)

Praise God for He is good. What else do I have? Right now that's all I have.

First Blog

Blog World,

Years ago I said I didn't understand why people wrote blogs. I remember people using Xanga and other blogs and I thought it was kinda silly. During that time(college) I felt I was on top of the world, I had it all(so I thought): My faith was great(still is), had a great church, I had a lot of friends around and I had a girlfriend and was just happy.

Now, I still have my faith and I feel that's about all I have right now. I can't seem to find a home church and that is so important to me. If I could have a home church that I could rely on during this time of sadness and lonliness but I dont, so it's just me and God. I don't have any male friends that are nearby and it's so hard because I desire the closness of a brother and I have to travel far distance in order to be around them. It's hard, so hard cause I'm lonely, I'm sad and the only thing around here is females and I dont want to hang out with females and give them the wrong idea. I know how a lot of girls think and they feel if we are hanging out that I'm interested in them and I know that some of my friends would like to be more so I have to keep my friendships on that level. It would be great to have that girl that would ride or die for me too. I'm ready to settle down, not play anymore games or have games played on me. But it's a scary thing because I have been in some relationships and the girls I have not treated well, treated me like a king and would have done anything for me and loved me more than I deserved. The women that I have treated like queens and have loved like other men have not, have always hurt me and burned me. What do I do? Do I continue to show love to women when I meet them or stop being a gentleman? That's hard, I dont have a lot of answers.

Right now work has taken up a lot of my life as I'm on day 9 of 12 and it's going well, but I'm tired...

Interesting, this is my first blog, lets see if I can keep up with it.

Cheers